Those Advice shared by My Father Which Rescued Me when I became a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."